Confidence bashing...

... my confidence has taken a serious bashing and I haven't managed to get on here to write about it until now!

I managed a 15 mile run at the weekend. But only just. Managed is a word I think I need to use really loosely to explain how badly the run went.

Once again, it is a weekend which for Hitchin throughout Jan & Feb has meant snow. In Jan it was a lot of snow, most of Feb it's been more of a dusting, on Saturday it was a little more than a dusting. So already feeling low before we start due to the huge snowflakes falling around us as we prepare to start, Helen tries to bolster my mood. I'm trying to be positive but feel totally p*ssed off thinking that the weather has it in for me, it's hard enough running long distances without the added weather hazards.

Anyway, we run through Hitchin and up to Letchworth and I am already starting to feel the pain in my knee. This pain usually kicks in after 8 miles somewhere. This was a little over 2 miles in. I'm convinced it is because of the different running technique I had to use this week in the snow, as it was wet slushy snow, which was slippery as hell and meant that I was taking short strides and trying not to fall over. By the time we get to Baldock, the snow is melted in some areas and slushy in others. I'm running for a bit, and then limping down hills and then running for a bit. By the time we get up to Graveley I am run-limping with tears streaming down my face, feeling so deflated at the pain from my knee up to my hip is giving me at the 12 mile mark- how on earth am I ever going to reach 26 miles with this?

I run-limp through Stevenage to the old town and run back on myself to come through Little Wymondley. By now though the pain is acute. I'm having to stop every so often to try and stretch out (and to wipe the tears from my cheeks), I just want this run to be over now, I want to be at home with my legs up, I don't want to be out in the cold anymore and believe me it is cold when you have been running for so long that your sweat ensures you are damp through.

That last two miles take me about half an hour. I half limp-run-walk down the hill to home (it's so much more painful going downhill). Helen tries to talk to me, but I can't talk, if I do I'll cry. So I limp into my flat and start on some stretches, feeling totally broken and defeated. It took a little under 3 hours to complete 15 miles. I decide for good that my aim of completing the marathon in under 5 hours is not a realistic one and also not a helpful one to have as it means I beat myself up even more. A little bit later (maybe an hour or so) the pain is gone. Apart from walking up or down stairs I can barely feel anything. I even beat myself up about this, that a pain that was so crippling an hour ago can be barely anything at all an hour later! I phone Helen and apologise for being a moody tearful cow. She says she didn't notice. I don't believe that for a second.

Anyway, on talking to friends and with a little self diagnosis on the internet, I am now convinced the issue is my IT band (which stretches from the outside of your knee to your hip) I kind of knew this was an issue before but it's not felt as bad previously. It needs stretching and strengthening. So I am now booked in with an Osteopath for Monday, in the hope he can give me a miracle cure that will mean I can complete the 26.2 miles.

I don't have a long run planned this weekend I have a weekend away in The Cotswolds, so I'm sure the rest can only be a good thing right now. But my confidence has definitely been knocked and I'm cr*pping myself about doing 17 miles the following weekend, let's hope the Osteopath works wonders! Let's also hope it doesn't bloody snow.

To end on a positive note though... I did my sprints last night. 7 x 800m. Legs were fine, heart wanted to beat out of my chest, but in a strange way I enjoyed it, as I can definitely see an improvement in my sprint speeds so something has gone right at least.

Phew, another Tuesday over...

Tuesdays are my worst day of the week any way. Monday's you can go to work and still be smiling about what you did at the weekend. You have the usual catch up chats with your colleagues about what you did at the weekend, it's not so bad. Tuesday, the weekend is gone, there are no catch up chats to be had and there is still another 4 whole days of work till the next weekend. And then I have to do my sprints.

I just don't like running fast. I'm no good at it, I feel sick as I'm pushing myself so hard and it takes me the rest of the evening to recover.

Tonight it was 5 x 1200m. Just under 4 miles in all. Barely anything considering I completed 14 miles on Saturday. Yet it was horrible. Painful. Knackering. Bloody hard work.

On the upside however I'm definitely running a little faster than when I started, I don't have to sprint for another week, and it's pancake day and I've just scoffed 3 pancakes, life's not so bad (until next tues at least)!

Feeling the love

I always knew how great my friends are, clearly I wouldn't call them friends if they weren't great. But I am so overwhelmed by the amount of support and that I am receiving, not just from friends but from acquaintances and also people that I barely know.

For example good friends are training with me, offering fundraising ideas and offers of staging events, obviously giving me donations and generally being really great. Then there are work colleagues that I don't know well like my friends but who are offering advice on training, from first or second hand experience, showing enthusiasm in my boring them with running talk all day, baking cakes for me to sell and then buying loads of cakes off me when on sale (yes even those that baked them bought them!!!) and helping organise a pub quiz.

Today I raised £90 from my cake sale at work, I have put a date in my diary for a 'Ladies Day' fundraising event hosted by a friend, got under way organising a pub quiz and had endless amounts of support by way of individual donations to my website. I am so feeling the love.

Maybe it's not getting easier after all...

I've run a number of 10 milers over the past several months and having completed the 14 mile last weekend, this weekend's 10 was feeling like a bit of a drag, I wanted more of a challenge, I didn't want to go back down to 10 miles.

Possibly I was being a bit cocky. When people asked me what I was running this weekend, my answer was "just 10 miles". JUST 10 miles. Hmmmm...

I really struggled the first 4 miles. My legs felt heavy, my muscles felt achy, my shins felt tight and I felt tired. I wanted to walk at 2 miles in but was determined not to. I wanted to walk at 3 miles in but was determined not to. I was regretting my "just 10 miles" comments. This is still a challenge, there's no JUST about it.

But then at 4 miles, I finally got into a pace that felt right, I felt happy enough to plod along, my muscles stretched out a bit, my joints warmed up and I was finally able to 'zone out' (my favourite thing about running) and stop thinking about how much I was not enjoying the run.

At around 7 miles still feeling good, I thought about the big hill that I was going to face soon enough, a hill that has always ruined me and one in which I have never managed to run up in full before. It was then that I thought I would give an energy gel a try. I have been warned that these can make you need the loo so I wanted to try them on a run where I would be nearer home, as a precaution.

Well they certainly did not have the toilet effect on me but they truly did have an effect on my energy levels. Although I didn't fly up the hill, I ran it in it's entirety for the first time ever. I also did not suffer towards the end of the run as I have in the past. In fact I picked my pace up for the last mile, which is something I have also never done on a 10 mile run.

So maybe it was the energy gel, or maybe my head is getting stronger, or maybe my legs are getting more used to the distance, any which way I ended up improving my time for the 10 mile distance and realised that although I do need to up my distance, I also need to get used to running "shorter" distances in between my increasing miles, as these runs will improve my mental strength and they are no mean feat, they still involve running constantly for 1 hour and 45 minutes and they will, in the end, assist me in achieving my aim of completing the London Marathon.

My fastest mile to-date!!!

Hurrah! I have just completed my 3 mile fast run today and my second mile was my fastest to-date, I broke the 8 minute mile with a 7.59!!! (I know, I know, only by a second). My fastest mile up until now was 8.18 though, so I'm fairly pleased! Shins hurt though!!!

However, it's fair to say I didn't enjoy it tonight, in fact my worst runs each week are the fast ones as they are so uncomfortable. I'm thinking about time rather than just plodding along and relaxing into my run. Clearly that's the point, but it really makes me dread them.

Which brings me onto Tuesday this week. I didn't log on and write that evening but I had a really enjoyable 7 mile run. It was quicker than my usual and I felt more comfortable at that distance than I have done before. It has given me a bit more confidence for the 10 miler this weekend and made 10 miles feel like it's not as much as a challenge as it once was. I think running 14 last weekend also helped with this.

Anyway other than that this week I also had a spinning class that I thoroughly enjoyed and Wednesday night a half hour cycle (which is a bit of a cheat as it should be at least 45 mins, but I had to get home in time for Home & Away!). Must make up for that next week and Home & Away wasn't as good as I thought it would be!!! Yes you read that right.

Tomorrow is the 'Meet the Experts' day which is run by Virgin London Marathon. I'm looking forward to it, as it should be fairly inspiring stuff and I get the chance to buy some new trainers at good discounted prices!

All in time for a tough week next week...