Confidence bashing...

... my confidence has taken a serious bashing and I haven't managed to get on here to write about it until now!

I managed a 15 mile run at the weekend. But only just. Managed is a word I think I need to use really loosely to explain how badly the run went.

Once again, it is a weekend which for Hitchin throughout Jan & Feb has meant snow. In Jan it was a lot of snow, most of Feb it's been more of a dusting, on Saturday it was a little more than a dusting. So already feeling low before we start due to the huge snowflakes falling around us as we prepare to start, Helen tries to bolster my mood. I'm trying to be positive but feel totally p*ssed off thinking that the weather has it in for me, it's hard enough running long distances without the added weather hazards.

Anyway, we run through Hitchin and up to Letchworth and I am already starting to feel the pain in my knee. This pain usually kicks in after 8 miles somewhere. This was a little over 2 miles in. I'm convinced it is because of the different running technique I had to use this week in the snow, as it was wet slushy snow, which was slippery as hell and meant that I was taking short strides and trying not to fall over. By the time we get to Baldock, the snow is melted in some areas and slushy in others. I'm running for a bit, and then limping down hills and then running for a bit. By the time we get up to Graveley I am run-limping with tears streaming down my face, feeling so deflated at the pain from my knee up to my hip is giving me at the 12 mile mark- how on earth am I ever going to reach 26 miles with this?

I run-limp through Stevenage to the old town and run back on myself to come through Little Wymondley. By now though the pain is acute. I'm having to stop every so often to try and stretch out (and to wipe the tears from my cheeks), I just want this run to be over now, I want to be at home with my legs up, I don't want to be out in the cold anymore and believe me it is cold when you have been running for so long that your sweat ensures you are damp through.

That last two miles take me about half an hour. I half limp-run-walk down the hill to home (it's so much more painful going downhill). Helen tries to talk to me, but I can't talk, if I do I'll cry. So I limp into my flat and start on some stretches, feeling totally broken and defeated. It took a little under 3 hours to complete 15 miles. I decide for good that my aim of completing the marathon in under 5 hours is not a realistic one and also not a helpful one to have as it means I beat myself up even more. A little bit later (maybe an hour or so) the pain is gone. Apart from walking up or down stairs I can barely feel anything. I even beat myself up about this, that a pain that was so crippling an hour ago can be barely anything at all an hour later! I phone Helen and apologise for being a moody tearful cow. She says she didn't notice. I don't believe that for a second.

Anyway, on talking to friends and with a little self diagnosis on the internet, I am now convinced the issue is my IT band (which stretches from the outside of your knee to your hip) I kind of knew this was an issue before but it's not felt as bad previously. It needs stretching and strengthening. So I am now booked in with an Osteopath for Monday, in the hope he can give me a miracle cure that will mean I can complete the 26.2 miles.

I don't have a long run planned this weekend I have a weekend away in The Cotswolds, so I'm sure the rest can only be a good thing right now. But my confidence has definitely been knocked and I'm cr*pping myself about doing 17 miles the following weekend, let's hope the Osteopath works wonders! Let's also hope it doesn't bloody snow.

To end on a positive note though... I did my sprints last night. 7 x 800m. Legs were fine, heart wanted to beat out of my chest, but in a strange way I enjoyed it, as I can definitely see an improvement in my sprint speeds so something has gone right at least.